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The worst part of all this was that I was starting to have these dreams about Rachel and Carla doing things together, and, in my dreams, they were doing things to me with both their mouths too. When they did that to me, in my dreams, I was licking them too. I was becoming a pervert just like them.I had a quiet week end, rearranging my baseball card collection because I had outgrown it, and wanted to sell it and use the money to add to my EC comic book collection. I had about 1,400 baseball cards, twenty of them Mickey Mantles. A guy at school told me he might buy the whole collection if the cards were in good shape. On Sunday I called him up and we made a deal for $20.00 for the whole thing. At the time I thought I'd really put one over on him. Forty years later, one of the three Mantle Topps rookie cards I sold to him was sold by his widow for $44,000.00.On Monday, Carla told me that her mother had changed her mind about us studying at her house. She told me it wasn't because she. Sofia is with me everywhere I go, even to our special tree inthe clearing. Weekends are reserved for modeling sessions as are severalmidweek days every month. I can't just be me, and I don't even know whome is anymore?Amanda started as a part time job, be her, and then be Mark for the restof the time. I was Mark through and through while Amanda was the outsideperson looking in. When I had to assume her personality full time it wasvery difficult to bury Mark in a little corner of my life. I loved beinga boy and my father had taught me well. I love my father more than wordscan say and when he forgot his son, I thought I would die, and perhaps Idid in a small way when I became Amanda full time. This isn't to say Idon't like being Amanda, I do, and I love being the girl I portray,actually more than being a boy. I guess Cindy was right when she said Iwas really a girl inside, but it seems I've had no say in where my lifeis going ever since Cindy saw my mascara covered lashes. God I was.
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